Thurisaz

Ah, here's that strength and force of will I was talking about.  Here is also taking action.  But I don't understand this as well.

This rune has contradictions.  It is about reactions, opposing force, fighting back, taking quick action against enemies.  But it is about willpower and controlling those impulses by harnessing them into a driving force for thoughtful but powerful action that provides offense and defense at the same time.

This is one of my greatest weaknesses.  I let opposing forces overwhelm me without fighting back at all.  How do I understand this symbol of resistance when I don't ever resist?  I don't resist my temptations to procrastinate or to eat another cookie.  I don't resist the persuasions of my friends to go have fun when I have homework to destroy.  It's probably time for me to start resisting.

The fear is that I'll resist too much, I'll drive people away, and I'll become single-minded and destructive in trying to defeat my weakness.  There is a very delicate balance to this rune, as it rests just on the tip of the thorn which it symbolizes.  It is also like the thorn in that it attacks without warning, defensively, though sometimes I feel like the thorns are out to get me.

Where do I start and where do I stop?  Where is the balancing point?  One way or another I'll either fall and let myself be squashed by life, or I'll try so hard to resist squashing that I'll squash everything else.

I have one question for myself: When is my will the strongest?

Previously I kept asking myself where I find the balance, and I just realized, it's wherever I feel strongest and happiest.  So, when is my will the strongest?  When I'm feeling more physically fit is one.  When I've had enough sleep.  When I feel intrinsically motivated to do what I should rather than what is "fun."  When I am challenged but not over-stressed.  This is when I have the most energy, satisfaction in life, and fun.  I find challenging and interesting things more fun than leisure time more often than not because they are far more worthwhile and satisfying.  So that's why "fun" isn't really fun.  Not always.

I know what I need to do.  Thor, please give me the will to do it.